4:45

as promised, today's a new day. i feel much better. you see that little title up there? 4:45? what does that mean, you wonder?? that's what time i woke up this morning to go to the gym. hallelujah. let's just say i am good to go to bed for the night right now bahahaha. okay, just kidding. i love working out, i mean i always have. it's just hard when you have school and work and whatever else you're doing on top of that. ironically i am in the exercise & wellness major, and yes although we work out for class, we still get to spend a lot of time in a chair learning. i love my major, but there are definitely draw backs to it.

it causes a lot of anxiety for me sometimes. why? i'll tell you why. sometimes for class we have to weigh ourselves (if you think that's bad just stop reading now...). we even have to WRITE IT ON THE BOARD for EVERYONE to see. it's like "heyy guys what's up, you don't even know my name but please just write my weight on my forehead. alright? cool." a few weeks ago it got even worse. in my exercise testing class we were learning to do EKG placements on each other. key words: EACH OTHER. aka you strip down to a sports bra (or if you're a man-obviously-you're not wearing a sports bra..) and stick stickers and then EKG leads all in their correct places.

when i had to write my weight on the board last semester i kid you not i had a panic attack. you would think i was the same way/even worse for the semi nudity going on, but LUCKILY i have a few great friends that i've made that made me feel totally comfortable! yes, they may all be 110 lbs, etc but i realized that even those people get nervous about this "weight business" too. i won't lie, once i got hooked up to the EKG, my heart rate was pretty fast due to the trauma haha, but i didn't have a panic attack, or keel over and die.

i am so lucky to have made some great friends at school. in comparison to going to byu, i have only made a small group of friends, but they have been life savers. i feel blessed to go to asu-to not only make friends with awesome people, but also with non-member friends that are just as great.

what an experience school has been.

have a grrrreattttt day!

i'll be workin' on having a great day myself!!

xoxo, morgs

scars

i honestly don't even know how to begin this post. i keep writing and deleting then repeating the process 20 times over. it was just one of those days-one where you hurt for those around you, and you realize that the world is a much different place than you thought it would be. a day where you wish you could help everyone. a day where you look yourself in the mirror and reality hits-this is not who i am nor who i want to be. how did i get here? why did i let myself get to this point?

i wish i could look myself in the eyes and see what my Heavenly Father sees in me.

tomorrow i have a conference to go to for school and needed to do some quick shopping for a nice outfit. as i stood in that dressing room and looked at myself in the full-length mirror i wanted to cry. not because i want attention or to feel bad for myself, but because i have let myself get here. nothing hurts more than looking at yourself in the eye and knowing this is your fault.

there's always a new day tomorrow, only to see the scars to remind me of yesterday.

honest

i am a very honest person. i tell the truth even when people don't want to hear it. i am very logical and very realistic. i didn't start a blog to only blog about the happy times in my life. i want to remember both the good and the bad-even though it can be really painful. life isn't a sprint, it's a marathon and i am still in the middle of my race. trials will come and go and i become a better person because of them.

terrible tuesdays.

today at school was just one of those days where you get in your car to drive home and think to yourself, "i sure am glad that's over." talk about stressful! i have to admit that i put a lot of that stress on myself but still. i have to admit that tuesday is my least favorite day of the week-it's my longest day at school and even though i have breaks in between labs and class, it seems as though i never have enough time to finish what i need to (especially for the physics lab..).

this tuesday was just like any other: going to class and then working as fast as i can on the physics lab that i put off til monday night/tuesday til class starts. pretty much physics leaves a bad taste in my mouth. as i was working on my physics lab in the computing commons i realized it was time to go to my kinesiology lab. i start walking to my car when i realize that i hadn't printed off my completed lab from the previous week! i pretty much had a heart attack because a) it caught me off guard b) i can't believe i remembered it at the last second & c) the computers at ASU take 6.7 centuries to load and do what you want it to do. i am SO lucky that i had actually completed the lab or else i would have been toast.

anyways, the Big Man upstairs must have been looking out for me because it only took like 3 minutes for the computer to load and get everything printed off. i grabbed my papers and walked like a crazy lady to my car. so i get to my car and i push the unlock button. nothing happens. i start freaking out! like seriously could this be happening to me?! did my clicker really just die on me?? so i stand there trying to get it to unlock for like a minute and then i decide to try to lock it to see if the horn will honk. so i start locking the car when all the sudden i hear a honking from behind me.

for real i almost attempted breaking into someone else's car. good news, i had a person or two watching me.

i.am.awesome.

happy tuesday to you too!

morgs

perfection

ever since i was little i have always strived for perfection. if i wasn't first, i was last. if i wasn't the best, i was the worst. everything in life became a competition to me. now, here i am in college. i have officially set myself up for a lot of let downs. once you're put into a huge pool of thousands of people, it's not very likely that you're the best anymore. i've brainwashed myself for so long that i don't know how to handle when i get B on a test. I don't know how to handle a teacher not being willing to explain something to me. but a thought came to me today..

being lds, you hear everyone talking about "striving for perfection," "becoming like the Savior," etc.. newsflash-NO ONE IS PERFECT, nor will they be while they are here on this earth. obviously there is no pass/fail on trying to be perfect because if that were the case, our missions would not only be failed but impossible. life is about doing everything to the best of our ability. if we can be looked in the eye and say we have strived to do our best each day then that should be good enough. there is always room for improvement. there are always places in our day where we could have done better.

here is the hard part-telling yourself that! this is going to be my challenge, to work on doing MY best, not being the BEST (but hey, if i am the best, i am totally a-ok with that!!).

pray for me, i have a physics exam tomorrow.

yikes,

morgs

asu

i am starting to wonder if asu hates all good things in life. for instance, presidents of the united states of america. it's not like they lead our country or for that matter, the ones who help found our country, endure the civil war, etc. seriously people...we can't take 1 day off from school? you couldn't give us a break? talk about torture.

vent over.

have a marvelous day today!!

xoxo,

morgs

baby, baby, baby.

brother seems to think that he needs special treatment in our home. maybe this could be because he's the baby of the family? maybe this could be because he's the only brother? or MAYBE everyone just spoils him! we all seem to be guilty of spoiling him a little bit here and there. anyways, brother thinks he needs someone to rub his legs, back, arms, hands, neck, head, little bum...pretty much any part of his body available. most the time mom gives in. BUT, when mom doesn't give in, this is what happens...

brother seems to think if he snuggles as close to mom as he can get, she will forget that she has told him "no" to his rubbing pleas. most of the time...it works.

for kicks and giggles.

yesterday was our typical sunday, besides for the mother still not feeling well of course. we pretty much just vegged (too much..), laid around, did some homework, and watched movies. last night my mom decided she wanted to watch a movie on demand. she flipped to the "on demand" channel and started selecting options that she thought sounded good. the brother was of course watching and over seeing that she didn't make a wrong move. all of the sudden brother says, "mom we don't have a 3D tv or 3D glasses so why are you choosing 3D movies?!" mom replies to him saying she isn't in the 3D section (when she clearly is). all the sudden a light bulb goes off in her head and she says, "oh my gosh! i thought that said 30 movies!" we all start to laugh at mom when my dad says, "wait, you were looking up dirty movies?!" oh brother. this is how rumors get started people. needless to say, we had ourselves a good laugh.

change.

sometimes i get really frustrated with myself. and by "sometimes" i mean a lot. people that know me would say that my personality is pretty intense. you could probably describe it with the letter "A." possibly?? (workin' on it..) i am a go-getter. i don't usually let things get in my way. a lot of times that intimidates people.

my mom told me that my little brother had a conversation with her the other day. as she was taking him to the dentist jackson said, "mom, you never really can know a person totally." my mom was kind of taken back by the depth of his statement. he kept going by saying things like, "i mean i know what your favorite color is, and what you like to eat and don't like to eat, but i don't know what you are thinking all of the time."

the conversation continued, i am sure. this was just a quick paraphrase to not only show how amazing a 13 year old boy is, but to show that no one can really know the whole value of a person. we don't know what others are thinking or feeling, even if we try to express it. it's hard to quite explain exactly what's going on in our brains and bodies.

a lot of people don't know about the inner struggles other people go through on a daily basis. my whole life i have felt not good enough from time to time. not because my parents ever made me feel like that but because i wished i could have done better. since i was young i have looked in the mirror and seen a chubby girl staring back at me. it's been a hard experience to deal with, especially this past year or so. (i am not looking for a pity party, it's just time to be for real). being an exercise and wellness major where every girl weighs 110 pounds is so intimidating and frustrating. it's like "hey my name's morgan, i have played sports and exercised my whole life even though it doesn't look like it."

it's been hard. it's been a battle. but, i am ready to be done with feeling like this. i want people to see me for who i am and what i want to become. i want to look at myself in the mirror and see the person that i feel i am. i need to be accountable for all of the emotional eating that i do. for the lack of self control. i wish people could judge people based on their heart and intentions; if this were the case the world would be a happier place.

i am ready for a change, ready to become the best ME!

not-so-much a journal writer..

when i began this blog i felt quite dumb. i felt like a total loser to be honest. umm hello who like starts a blog when they are like 20 years old and not married? i have no husband to blog about. no kids to blog about. etc, etc..(you get the point).

let me tell you, those feelings have totally gone away! i LOVE blogging. i was talking to my mom today (anyone else noticing a common trend of a mother being in my life 24/7??), and we were talking about my blog. i guess when i posted a little somethin' for her, everybody and their mother's best friend's dog texted her. ok..just kidding-just some of her best family and friends! but anyways, she felt so special. so THANK YOU to those who reached out to her! i guess because of all the commotion she decided to get on at work to check my blog (which she didn't even know the address to), and her and the co-workers got to see me in action. umm can you say wow? i couldn't believe something so little and sentimental could really be made into this big of a deal.

i love blogging. seriously, this is my journal. back to talking to my mom about the blog-this has been such a motivation to write about my day, my life, and my thoughts. my history with journals has been a shame. i kid you not-i have had the same journal since 7th grade and have probably not even written half way through the pages. i can like flip the page from an event that occurred like 6 months ago and then like the 5 previous pages before talk about some boy i was going to marry in 8th grade bahaha. what a joke. anyways, the point is I LOVE BLOGGING. i love being able to write and having a record of what i was thinkin' about that day. and seriously-i love thinking that i am so creative because it looks like a scrapbook HAHA. thank heavens for someone else who thinks of cute designs that i can just copy.

peace, love, happiness people!

morgs

p.s. dare i say that i saw the adam sandler/jennifer aniston movie tonight? just go with it=HILARIOUS. {recommended for college kids and up ;) } must see. asap.

inspire

sometimes i wish i could do so many things; bake cakes like the guy on cake boss, be a fashionista like other bloggers, or be a photographer that could take beautiful and unique pictures. then i realize that i can't just wait around to become that person, i have to do it. it's all about making a choice and doing it. as human beings we tend to make goals everyday. some days it's just a goal of what to finish by the end of the day, other days it's a goal of who we want to become in the future.

as i have entered into the blogging world i have been touched by the examples around me. everyone has their struggles, but it always seems like they are trying to give back to the community whether it be by writing an inspiring post or by dedicating their time to raise money for those less fortunate or not as well off as they are.

i want to challenge myself to better others out there while bettering myself. being a college student i tend to be in the stage of life where it's all about ME. i.e., where i need to be, what i have to do, where i need to go, how busy and stressed out i am.. i want to take more time to realize how good i have it. i have an amazing family who loves me and supports me (even when i come home crying from a long and hard day i have had). i have the two hardest working people i know for parents. i have a sister who is the nicest, most non-judgmental person to everyone around her. i have a brother who cracks everyone up on a consistent basis.

i am so blessed. i recently got a letter from my best friend in south korea. he sent me a challenge that i cannot ignore. i challenge not only myself but for anyone who stumbles upon this that they can go through their day and think about something they have been blessed with and to reach out (through FB, email, texting, calling, or in person) to someone else in need whether it be a ward member, friend, family member, or someone you may not know right now.

let's make the world a better place.

xoxo,

morgs

fiesta and a siesta!

last semester i was lucky enough that i didn't have to go to school on friday. this semester i wasn't so lucky-curse you ASU. but...good news-i get done with school by noon {yay me}! fridays usually are my favorite day of the week, and no it's not because school is over for the week. i LOVE fridays because they usually end up being "mom and morgan" days (my momma works SO hard monday through thursday and gets to take off friday because of it). well, as you know, the mom is currently still sick so she is pretty much glued to her bed. when i got home from school today she was taking a semi-nap but once she realized i got home she was awake and ready to hear about my day (what a trooper!).

today we decided to have a little par-tay, if you know what i mean. lately we have been LOVING (or do I dare say "obsessed"??) rubio's! talk about delish! anyways, the momma was in the mood for some rubio's so i went and picked up the food and came home and we had a little lunch date in her room on the bed (no dad, we did not spill any food on your bed!). let me just say, i love my mom. now that we have food in our bellies it is definitely time for a nap!!

p.s. sorry for the lack of a picture. we just are so good looking right now we can't even handle trying to post a picture for the whole world to see! ;)

an amazing woman

this post is to and for my mom; an amazing wife, best mother, & most kind friend.

yesterday was one of my longer days at school. i get done around 3ish and go straight to work for 3 or 4 hours. i got a phone call about 2 hours into work from my mom asking me if it was a "long day" for me. i replied that i had work and institute later that night. her voice sounded off, something was just not quite right. i asked her what she needed and she was trying to find a way for someone to pick up my little brother from basketball practice. i told her i would do it and got the feeling to ask her if she had been crying. she replied with a quiet "yes" and proceeded to break down and cry. my mom was sicker than a dog. she did not feel good at all. her body was aching from head to toe and there was {NO ONE} at my house to take care of her. luckily, i was let off work early to go be with my mom. i got her dinner, made sure she was all covered up in a 2 blankets, a heat pack, plus every layer of clothes she had on. it hurt my heart to see my momma like that.

my mom is the strongest and most loving person i know. she would bend over backwards for anyone even if she was getting the raw end of the deal. she doesn't expect payment. she doesn't even ask for a lot of help around the house even having a 40+ hour week (in 4 days...). she is the BEST example to me. i love her. she has all of the qualities of a wife and mother that i wish i could have. one day i hope i can be just like her because EVERYONE loves to be around my mom. she is wonderful!!

momma, thanks for all of your hard work. for not only working all day yesterday feeling as sick as a dog, but for waking up before 6 AM today and going to work again for the second sick day in a row. taking time out of my day to love you and be around you was easy, but seeing you so miserable was the hard part. i love you. you're the best mom and best friend i could ever ask for. thank you for all that you do!

love,

your favorite morgan

take a breather.

school has seemed so overwhelming lately..has it really only been a month since it just began? i have already come to realize that i can't get through these 19 credit hours on my own. i know how much determination i have. i know how strong willed i am. i know how hard i work for what i want in life. what an eye opener it was to me to realize that i can't just depend on me. i need help from my Heavenly Father. i knew what i was getting myself into but i was never scared until now. i do my work, take my tests, and when it's all said and over i hope i have done my best. sometimes i get much less than what i expected/hoped for. it's such a disappointer. i hate letting myself down. i wish i could have a "redo" moment just for the times that i didn't live up to my potential (do twix candy bars really pause time??). i just keep telling myself it's part of a growing process, and no that often times does not make me feel better about the situation, but i am going to strive to become better. to be the best me.

called to serve.

this good looking boy got the letter of a lifetime today! after much anticipation, excitement, and anxiety attacks (on my end of course!) Bryant finally got his mission call! this man is so amazing (it's so weird to call him a man yet he has officially become a man). how blessed i am to have the most loving, caring, genuine, and most amazing best friend to walk the planet! we have been through thick and thin together and i wouldn't have it any other way. i love him.

elder king has been called to serve in the ARGENTINA CORDOBA mission! he will report june 15th.

i know what you are thinking..june 15th? that's like 8 years away...i know. sucky. BUT, i cannot help but think that the Lord's timing is perfect. he knows how big of a breakdown i might be having hahaha. he waited to call bry at a time where i would be out of school but most importantly, i leave to peru 4 days after he reports. FOUR days.

bry wanted my dad to be there when he opened his call, which can get quite tricky. we had been waiting all week long for this call to show up and every day seemed to let us down. my dad is a UPS driver and he has pretty much the worst job schedule ever. he never seems to make it home until after 8:30 pm on a good night. bry got his mail today at 1:30 and was such a champ for waiting for everyone to come and watch him open it. the Lord blessed my dad today. he had the lightest day he's had all year long. he was able to make it home at 7 pm. a true miracle.

the Lord blesses us in such little ways. at times they seem so insignificant, but when reflecting back on it, they are the things that matter most. Argentina-get ready! elder king is coming your way!!

inevitable.

hi. i'm 20 years old and still need a bib. check out the salsa stain conveniently located on my chest. awesome. pretty much every time i go somewhere to eat with my family and i don't spill on my clothes i have to report to it to them so that my efforts don't go unnoticed! maybe i'll stop spilling when i'm 21, besides that's when i'm really an adult.. right??

juicy.

today i was doing my daily ritual of blog stalking my absolute favorite blogs, i stumbled upon a post about a juicy charm bracelet! busybeelauren.blogspot.com is seriously da bomb.com. i love it and it makes me laugh. i pretty much see a nail polish color she has on and i go buy it. i see her pictures she posts and it makes me want a legit camera! soooo..when i found out she got a juicy bracelet for her birthday i was stoked!! so as a dedication to lauren here is my bracelet:

{say hello to my sneaker, double decker bus, tee pee, orange slice, ice cream, suit case, football helmet, & graduation cap!}

love, morgs