Not until I said it outloud.

Do you ever have those moments where you don't realize you know something until it just slips out of your mouth in conversation?

Often times I feel like a little genius is hiding in my body. He comes out at the perfect times and teaches me things that I never knew I even knew. Freaky, but true story.

A few weeks ago I was privileged to babysit for one of my closest friends. She is so sweet to me and genuinely sits and listens to me talk about my life story. As we sat in her family room we talked about Bryant and how he was doing. We talked about her past and how she had a missionary back in the day. She did not end up with him and in the end she said it was the biggest blessing of them all.

Currently, I can't see myself falling in love with anyone else. Bryant is the one for me. He treats me better than any other man on the face of the earth and I have felt beautiful around him whether I was at my lightest or heaviest. He makes me feel special.

As I sat and talked with my friend I asked her a simple question that came to my mind. "If your missionary hadn't left on his mission, would you have married him?" Her reply came quickly, "No, we never got to that point." This is where I taught myself something I felt I knew but had never felt rock solid about it until I said it out loud. "If Bryant hadn't left, I would have married him the next day." Tears quickly filled my eyes and I felt peace. More peace than I have felt about Bryant since he has been gone. The doubt stopped filling my mind and I knew where I stood with a surety.

Now, a lot changes in 2 years. We may be different people, but I really hope that all that happens is that we became new and improved models of ourselves. I know what I want. I know who I want. Sometimes 18 months feels like it's forever away, but in the end I know that it will be worth it whether I end up with Bryant or I learn a great lesson from this situation. I believe that we are here on this earth for a purpose.  We are here to learn very specific lessons.  I know that it is through our experiences that we learn and grow and the Lord would provide those opportunities to grow.  I know I am supposed to learn something from this time in my life and if it isn't to help me realize what an amazing man is in Argentina right now, then it is definitely something to learn about myself.

One way or another, I will encounter trials and learn from them-this is on of the greatest blessings to me in itself.