mirror, mirror...

one of the things i love about my bryant is that he is so willing to do anything for anybody. he is seriously the most helpful human being on the planet. if you ask, you will receive. seriously. he's totally like the guy wesley on princess bride that says "as you wish" to every command/request of the princess. BUT, as great as this gift is, it can also be a curse. sometimes it gets to the point where he is doing things for other people just because he feels guilty. he doesn't want to let anyone down and he tries so hard to make everyone happy. he even does things for other people that he has absolutely NO desire to do because he doesn't want them to be upset at him. sometimes when this happens i get crazy upset. i basically have to give him an occasional pep talk (actually...it probably is more of a lecture...haha) about how he still needs to be his own person and he can't let everyone boss him around! i get very stern when it comes to this matter with him because he just wants to please everyone and then he forgets about himself and after all, this life is about finding out who we are individually, being tested and tried, and returning home to our Heavenly Father.

anyways, the moral of the story is that i get so worked up over this "people pleasing" ability that bryant has when it gets to that point of doing things out of guilt. as i thought about it i realized i am such a hypocrite! time to take a look in the mirror, morgan! as i have gone through my life i have always been the type to be very hard on myself {if you know me you are OBVIOUSLY shaking your head and thinking "no kidding!"}. i have a very strong personality and i have a really hard time even controlling it when i make judgments about myself. if i wasn't getting straight a's in school, i was a failure. if my family told me i was moody, i failed. if i missed my psych 101 class one time and missed the only 2 offered extra credit points, i obsessed over it for weeks {apparently i am still not over it!}. the point is, my whole life i have always lived it in fear of not only letting everyone else down but letting myself down.

here i am at age 20-i am in school and graduating a year early in may 2012. i take my GRE on friday of this week so that i can apply to PT (physical therapy) schools by this fall. meanwhile i need to study and my mind happens to be caught up on a boy in utah AND i leave to peru on sunday. on top of this i work part time with special needs kids. i have done this for almost three years and i have been having a really hard time with this transition in my life. the one where i need to start focusing on myself to get into PT school when i cannot say "no" for the life of me. it has gotten to the point where people will ask me to work and i will move my other plans around just so i can "fit it in." i feel like i am letting everyone down if i can't do it. i won't lie, it gets really stressful. i definitely learned this from my mother who has a hard time with the "n" word as well... anyways, i have just really had a hard time with this concept and i have found that i am just as guilty as bryant when it comes to people pleasing.

someone call people pleasing anonymous and GET ME IN. also, pray that i do well on this GRE on friday. ask for all of the vocabulary, math, and writing angels will be sent down for me to do well haha--you think i am kidding? i am not. okay, that is all for today.

xoxo,

morgs