Oxymoronic.

This weekend has just been a mix of emotions for me.  I have had to do a whole lot of soul searching to figure out what my deal is.  There are two things that I have had to come to terms with-both of these concepts oppose each other and maybe that is why it is so hard for me to deal with.

#1. Happiness is an attitude. It does not matter how hard one's circumstances are, an individual can be happy regardless. So often I wait around hoping that happiness will find its way to me when in reality it's already here! I just have to be the one to choose it!

#2.  I am not happy.  I do not like who I am and at times I get frustrated because I expect myself to change much more quickly than it happens.  I look in the mirror and I do not see the 'child of God' that I should see. I compare myself to others only to fall short.  I magnify the mistakes I make only to discount any of my accomplishments.  I am falling short in spiritual goals--leading into other areas of my life.  I hate this period of my life-I hate feeling alone, or like a tagalong. I am happy for others who find love and happiness but their happy feelings seem to remind me how hard of a time I am having being lonely.

By no means am I looking for sympathy.  I am a 21 year old girl, trying to figure myself out.  I am struggling and searching for myself and eventually I will get there. I know it.  I just want to write these feelings down so that I, personally, can look back and think about what was going on in my life during these times and I can either change my situation or my attitude.

Tomorrow is a new day, hallelujah, and therefore another week to begin anew.