I know He loves me.

how do you convince someone how beautiful they are from the inside out if it's hard enough to sometimes convince yourself of that same truth? 

for many years of my life i looked into the mirror and the person looking back at me was not who i wanted to be-in fact, it was what i didn't want to be at all. i couldn't seem to figure out why anyone would like me or want to be around me. i wasn't confident in the way i looked but somehow i always found the drive to try to excel at everything i was involved in. i wanted to be proud of myself for something. 

my parents have been great about always trying to make me feel good about myself. sometimes they act like i am the most wonderful human being on the planet and it feels nice for my ego at times. (did i mention i have the best parents on the face of the earth?) still i struggle, but a wonderful thing happened-i went to a far away land and as i sat in sacrament meeting on that cold, july morning i felt something spectacular. i truly felt the Savior's love not only for all of His children but for me. all of the sudden it didn't matter how i looked. it didn't matter that i couldn't hardly hike up a mountain because i knew He loves me. it didn't matter that i was chubbier than other people because i knew He loves me. 

now, this doesn't mean that i look in the mirror and am happy about what i see looking back. it still is a constant battle for me. i walk around school and life with thoughts and assumptions that everyone is always watching me and making judgments about what i look like. i am hurt that i let myself get to this point in my life where i felt like i didn't deserve the best. i am hurt that i let myself hurt for all of these years and that i let the world tell me i wasn't good enough. i may not love what i look like right now but at least i know that He loves me.

i am grateful for the experience that i have had to open my eyes to this knowledge i have been taught my whole life. let it be known that at age 20 i finally get it. i finally get that when i looked in the mirror for all those years i didn't see a true image looking back-i distorted it with my mind.  now i just wish i could convince others that they deserve nothing but the best regardless of their past. they are children of God and they deserve all that He has. i wish i could make others see what i see in them, and what God sees in them. i wish they realized their divine purpose and i can only hope and pray that someday they will go through a trial or experience of some sort to help them realize it. for now, i can only love people for who they are and for the choices they make and continue to love myself in hopes that i never forget that He loves me.